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A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the area--you could get anything there.

The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"

"Yes, I was a salesman in the country," said the lad.

The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss arrived and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"

"One," said the young salesman.

"Only one?" blurted the boss. "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"

"Thirty-eight thousand, three hundred and thirty-four dollars," said the young man.

"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well," said the salesman, "This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him a new SUV."

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No," answered the salesman. "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, 'Your weekend's shot, you may as well go fishing.'"
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You're not sure of:

THE DOCTOR because he says, "Take off your clothes."

THE DENTIST because he says, "Open wide."

THE HAIRDRESSER because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"

THE MILKMAN because he says, "Do you want it in the front or the back?"

THE INTERIOR DECORATOR because he says, "Once it's in, you'll love it."

THE STOCK BROKER because he says, "It will rise right up, fluctuate for a while and then slowly fall back again."

THE BANKER because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest."

THE HUNTER because he goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.

THE TELEPHONE GUY because he says, "Would you like it on the table or against the wall?"

In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their Valentines would be. They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. To wear your heart on your sleeve now means that it is easy for other people to know how are you feeling.

An office manager walked into a tavern after work and instantly realized it was a gay bar. What the heck, he figured, I really want a drink.

The waiter walked over. "What's the name of your penis?" he asked.

"Look," the guy said, "I'm not into all that. All I want is a drink."

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis," the waiter insisted.

"Oh, OK," the customer reluctantly agreed. "But tell me the name of yours first."

"Nike," he responded. "You know, like, 'Just do it' "

The customer thought for a moment. "The name of mine," he said, "is Secret."

"Secret?"

"Yeah, like, 'Strong enough for a man but made for a woman.' "